Before I met my now spouse, I had never even considered being in a long distance relationship. It wasn’t something I wanted; the idea just didn’t seem appealing.
I was ready for a relationship, and I had it ideally planned out in my head as to how it would work out. I’d meet the perfect person, we’d go on fun dates every week, and then things would eventually progress from there into engagement and marriage. To me, that was perfect.
But when I ended up meeting my husband, I didn’t realize that when someone is the right person, you end up making a sacrifice because they’re the right person.
Now not many of you will know right away whether someone is right for you or not. It’s all a part of the process of getting to know someone. But since I’ve been through a long distance relationship, and I know what to expect and how to keep it healthy, I’ll give you my tips on making it thrive.
DON’T LISTEN TO EVERYONE
When I first announced to many of my friends that I had a boyfriend and told them of how we met, many of them were a bit surprised. After hearing how we had met at a friend’s house when I was visiting up in northern California, they quickly realized that this was a long distance relationship.
And this is when a lot of them decided that it was in my best interest to question whether it would work out or not. A lot of them were in a relationship themselves and doubted that anything long distance would survive.
Well I’m proud to say that out of almost all of them, my relationship was the one to last into marriage.
Even though I had people questioning my relationship, I knew because of the person I was dating, that it would last.
All this to say that whatever you do, don’t buy into the negativity and doubting people throw at you carelessly. Be careful what advice you listen to, and surround yourself with people who are supportive. Because if you’re looking to make this relationship work, the last thing you need are people who don’t believe in it.
TRUST AND BE TRUSTED
Long distance can be hard when it comes to trust. You’re not there with them to see what they’re doing and it’s easy to question if they’ll give you up for someone closer because of the distance.
But in order for your long distance relationship to thrive, you can’t throw suspicion between you and the person you’re dating. Either you know they’re a trustworthy person or you don’t.
If you know that you’re important enough to that person, then don’t create a distance between the two of you based off of fear. A lot of the time, what we fear never happens, it’s just wasted space in our heads.
And on the other side of things, you have to be a trustworthy person. Don’t go making very close friendships with another guy or girl. It’s fine to have friends of the opposite sex in groups, but when you’re in a long distance relationship, being very close with them is a danger zone.
Don’t trust yourself too much, after all, we are humans. Don’t put yourself in situations where you might be tempted to question your feelings for someone. It doesn’t establish stability and trust in the relationship (or respect for the person you’re with).
NO TEXTING WHILE FIGHTING
It’s obviously not as dangerous as texting while driving, but it can definitely turn ugly. A lot of the time things can be misinterpreted and get even worse. You don’t know what tone of voice they’re using and it just becomes a mess from there.
If you have some frustrations or you want to discuss something with them, set a time to call or video Skype. Then you can both communicate and know how things are being communicated. No need to throw anger and frustration into a long distance relationship.
Now this may depend on your relationship, but whether you’re a couple that wants to Skype for hours every day or you’re fine with video chatting once a week, make sure that you have consistency in your communication.
Nothing makes a relationship feel more secure than a set time to talk. It lets you both know that you respect each other enough to show up and you care enough to want to talk to them.
Of course it’s fine to have spontaneous texts and phone calls, but schedule actual time to have real communication.
Speaking of real communication, you want to make sure that every time you have your Skype date or phone call that you talk to them about how you’re feeling. Don’t just touch base with each other about life events, let them know any fears or frustrations or thoughts you want to bring up about the relationship.
And when you do this, it stops any wall from being built or distance that isn’t physical from being created.
HAVE SOMETHING SET
First thing about having set dates: Make sure that if you can’t have a set date for ending the distance just yet, that you’re always working towards seeing each other again. It doesn’t matter if it’s six months to a year down the road, have something planned.
Save the money necessary for a plane ticket. Even if that’s saving $20-$50 a month (whatever is manageable for you). Make it your priority to see them, because those visits are a huge part of making those long distant relationships thrive and not just survive.
Second thing: If you can then you need to have a date set for when the relationship won’t be a long distant relationship anymore. If this relationship really is established as long term, then don’t make it open ended. Know what day you want to close the distance and work towards it.
Things may change because of life events, not everything goes as planned, but if you’re serious about this person, then make it serious enough to you to figure out when there won’t be distance anymore.
Long distance relationships really do work, as long as you’re willing to do what’s necessary to make it work. It can be hard, but if the person is the right person then making the sacrifice is worth it.
I hope these tips were helpful for you, but if there was something that wasn’t answered or you have some tips of your own, let me know in the comments below or email me! I’d love to get back to you and hear you out (or even create a response post)!