7 Ways to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work & Thrive

Before I met my now husband, I had never even considered being in a long distance relationship.

It wasn’t something I wanted; the idea of surviving a long distance relationship and not having it all far apart didn’t seem appealing.

I was ready for a relationship and I had it ideally planned out in my head as to how it would work out. I’d meet the perfect person, we’d go on fun dates every week, and then things would eventually progress into an engagement. To me, that was perfect.

But when I ended up meeting my husband, I didn’t realize that when someone is the right person, you end up making a sacrifice because they’re the right person.

Now not many of you will know right away whether someone is right for you or not. It’s all a part of the process of getting to know someone. But since I’ve been through it and I know how to make long distance work, I’ll share my own advice.

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1. Don’t Listen to Everyone About Your Long Distance Relationship

When I first announced to many of my friends that I had a boyfriend and told them about how we met, many of them were a bit surprised.

After hearing how we had met at a friend’s house when I was visiting up in northern California, they quickly realized that this was a long distance relationship.

And this is when a lot of them decided that it was in my best interest to question whether it would work out or not. A lot of them were in a relationship themselves and doubted that anything long distance would survive.

Well I’m proud to say that out of almost all of them, my relationship was the one to last into marriage.

Even though I had people questioning my relationship, I knew because of the person I was dating, that it would last.

All this to say that whatever you do, don’t buy into the negativity and doub people throw at you carelessly. Be careful what advice you listen to, and surround yourself with people who are supportive.

Because if you’re looking to make this relationship work, the last thing you need are people who don’t believe in it.

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2. Always Build Trust

This piece of advice is essential to all long distance relationships.

Long distance can be hard when it comes to trust. You’re not there with them to see what they’re doing and it’s easy to question if they’ll give you up for someone that’s nearby.

But in order for your long distance relationship to thrive, you can’t throw suspicion between you and the person you’re dating. Either you know they’re a trustworthy person or you don’t.

If you know that you’re important enough to that person, then don’t create a distance between the two of you based off of fear. A lot of the time, what we fear never happens, it’s just wasted space in our heads.

And on the other side of things, you have to be a trustworthy person. Don’t go making very close friendships with another guy or girl. It’s fine to have friends of the opposite sex in groups, but when you’re in a long distance relationship, being very close with them is a danger zone.

Don’t trust yourself too much, after all, we are humans. Don’t put yourself in situations where you might be tempted to question your feelings for someone.

It doesn’t establish stability and trust in the relationship, or respect for the person you’re with.

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3. No Texting While Fighting

It’s obviously not as dangerous as texting while driving, but it can definitely turn ugly. A lot of the time, things can be misinterpreted and get even worse.

You don’t know what tone of voice they’re using and it just becomes a mess from there.

If you have some frustrations or you want to discuss something with them, set a time to call or video Skype. Then you can both communicate and know how things are being communicated. No need to throw anger and frustration into a long distance relationship.

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4. Consistency

Now this may depend on your relationship, but whether you’re a couple that wants to Skype for hours every day or you’re fine with video chatting once a week, make sure that you have consistency in your communication.

Nothing makes a relationship feel more secure than a set time to talk. It lets you both know that you respect each other enough to show up, and you care enough to want to talk to them.

Of course it’s fine to have spontaneous texts and phone calls, but schedule actual time to have real communication.

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5. Real Communication

Speaking of real communication, you want to make sure that every time you have your call, you’re talking to them about how you feel.

Don’t just touch base with each other about life events, let them know any fears, frustrations, or thoughts you have about the relationship.

And when you do this, it stops any walls from being built or distance that isn’t physical from being created.

It can be uncomfortable, but it can also help make the relationship even stronger. Just make sure that you’re doing it in a way that respects the other person. Don’t be accusatory, just see it as a problem you both get to take care of together.

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6. Find Ways to Make Them Feel Special

Don’t just rely on your scheduled calls. Find ways to build up the relationship by doing small (and sometimes big) things to make them feel extra special.

It’s a great way to romance someone, but also make your significant other feel extra loved and secure during this time of distance.

So for instance, send them a package with love letters, some classic or contemporary love poems, their favorite chocolate, and a cute stuffed animal.

Or buy them tickets to an event near where they live and a gift card to their favorite restaurant!

Get creative, have fun with it, and watch their reaction when you hop on a video call. ♥️

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7. Have a Set Date

The uncertainty of when you’ll be able to see each other again can cause a lot of strain. It can also raise a lot of questions like, “Is doing this worth it?” Or, “Is this really gonna work?”

And that’s why it’s so important to get rid of the uncertainties and have a set date for the distance ending.

Here is my advice for doing that:

1. Make sure that if you can’t have a set date for ending the distance just yet, you’re always working towards seeing each other again. It doesn’t matter if it’s six months to a year down the road, have something planned.
2. Save the money necessary for a plane ticket. Even if it’s just $20-$50 a month (whatever is manageable for you), make it your priority to see them. Because those visits are a huge part of making those long distant relationships thrive and not just survive.
3. Always be working towards saving up money and looking for good job opportunities for where your future spouse is living. And if they’re gonna come move to your city, help them in looking for work as well. That way you can quickly speed up the end of your long-distance relationship.

Things may change because of life events, not everything goes as planned, but if you’re serious about this person, then make it serious enough to you to figure out when there won’t be distance anymore.