I’ve been married to my husband for seven years now and that doesn’t feel real. For me, that was something normal for other married couples, but each year led to another year and suddenly I was there myself. And it really didn’t feel like it had been that long.
But in those seven years, I’ve realized two things from my affectionate and thoughtful husband. These aren’t the only two things, but they’re big, and they’re important.
The first is listening so that you can romance. For years now, my husband will listen to me and from there he can act. It’s not my habit to hint at things I want or would like or need through conversation. If I’m bringing up a desire or something I think is cool, it’s to share and discuss. And over the years, because he’s listened to me, he knows me well and knows what will touch my heart, even if it’s small and simple. I really do love this about him.
The first time this really happened was when I was 19. I joked on Facebook (months before my birthday) that I would love it if someone made me an Iron Man birthday cake. I really liked The Avengers at the time (still do).
Then, on my birthday, there it was, an Iron Man cake. I never asked, and I never told him directly, it was a throw-away Facebook post. But he saw and he didn’t forget.
Or early this year while living in Portugal for a few months, he took me on a surprise date to a nice coffee house for breakfast. He knows that I love simple things like this.
Of course, he’s done big gestures of love, but I can’t help but appreciate the small things that feel so thoughtful.
And in the end, he’s taught me that I can do this too.
Second, acceptance and love during unforgivable moments. There are times when I just don’t feel forgivable. I say something mean during a fight or push him away because I’m dealing with rejection issues. But then he’s still there, he still chooses to love me, and he still chooses to forgive.
I know we think of romance as a reservation at a nice restaurant or a bouquet of flowers, but sometimes it’s in the gentle words of acceptance when we’re at our worst. I never knew love on a level like this before him.
And that’s what we need in a relationship. We need to lend out a hand that shows we’re still here, we’re still in love, and from there, romance can grow.
What has romance looked like to you in your relationship?
PS – If you’re traveling and want to try out the coffee house my husband took me to, then you can find it here. 🙂
PPS – Oh, and here’s that Iron Man birthday cake my husband got me in 2014.