21 Qualities of a Good Friend to Look for if You’re Tired of Toxic Friendships

Knowing the qualities of a good friend is so incredibly important.

I mean, think about the times you’ve had “frenemies.” The kind of people where they’re nice to you one day, and then for some unknown reason, they’re mean to you the next.

It can be so frustrating trying to determine people’s moods, or figuring out if you were the one who caused the distance.

But then there are those people where it just works.

They’re kind, they’re thoughtful, and they completely accept you. There isn’t some underlying feeling of angst after you make plans to meet up. They just have the attributes that define a true friend and you feel comfortable around them.

And one of the best ways to get more of these types of people into your life is to understand good friend qualities.

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In This Article:

• Qualities of a Good Friend
• Characteristics of an Unhealthy Friendship
• How to Find High Quality Friends
• How to Be a Good Friend Yourself

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Qualities of a Good Friend

Understanding the qualities of good friend is so important for your mental and emotional well-being. There are certain standards you should set for yourself when you work on investing in relationships, and they should not be compromised. Likewise, you need to also take on these standards so that you can be the friend you wish you had. It’s the only way to make best friends and create deep and meaningful connections with others.

Here are 21 qualities of a best friend to help you create healthy relationships and become a better person yourself.

1. They Respect Your Time

Do you ever have that friend who’s always late, and you’re feeling frustrated because you could have been relaxing at home, but instead, you’re waiting for 2 hours at a coffee shop?

Look for people who show you respect when it comes to thinking about your time.

Those are the thoughtful kind of friends who will probably take better care of you in general.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• Your friend says you two were supposed to meet at 7 PM, and they show up at 7 PM (or even a few minutes early).
• You’re running late and they send you a quick “no worries, take your time!” text instead of making you feel bad.
• They suggest meeting up at a time that works for both of you, not just what’s convenient for them.

2. They’re Encouragers

They’re not taking tiny (or big) stabs at you.

They’re finding ways to encourage you, and lift you up. So do not make excuses for anyone who does the opposite. You deserve better!

And if you’re going through hard times, they’re finding ways to be there for you, not ghost you. They’re looking for ways to be kind and helpful.

Also, they encourage you to be your best self. So whether you’re struggling to make the right decision on something, or you’re not being kind to yourself, they’ll help re-center you on what’s really important.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• You bombed a job interview and they help remind you of a few specific reasons why you’re great at what you do.
• You’re doubting yourself about starting a small business and they say something like, “I’ve seen how hard you work and I actually think you could do this.”
• You’re going through a hard time and instead of going quiet, they check in with a simple “hey, just thinking about you.”
• You’re being way too hard on yourself and they kindly call it out, “Would you say that to me if I were going through the same thing?”

3. They Never Talk Negatively About You Behind Your Back

I remember hearing someone say, “If they’re talking about other people behind their backs, they’re probably doing the same to you.”

And it is so true. I’ve caught someone who I thought I was close to talking behind my back, and it was one of the worst feelings (ever). So look for someone who’s honest with you, and communicates with good intentions. They’re not discussing your flaws with other people and they’re not condescending. You know that they’re being real, but not cutting you down.

Also, if you know that they’re safe for sharing you fears, secrets, and any other vulnerable emotion, then keep them around. They’re worthwhile.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• They compliment you to other people when you’re not even in the room (and you find out about it later).
• Someone starts talking bad about you and they either change the subject, start defending you, or walk away.
• They never bring up your embarrassing moments as jokes in front of other people.
• You share something vulnerable with them and it always stays between the two of you (no matter what).

4. Good Friends Are Givers

I have some friends who are incredible givers.

They touch my heart all the time, and it makes me want to give back as well!

Find people who have a good heart, and want to give in the relationship. I’m not saying that your friends have to be giving ALL the time, but it should be a good friend quality to look out for.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• They remember it’s your birthday and actually make you feel genuinely celebrated, not just send a quick text at the end of the day.
• You casually mention that you’ve had a hard week and they show up with your favorite coffee or tea.
• They offer you help before you even have to ask.
• When you do something kind for them, they actually see it, acknowledge it, and reciprocate in their own way.

5. They’re Good at Communicating

One of the most important things in any relationship, not just romantic, is to have good communication.

Misunderstanding happen ALL the time! Also, you’re both humans, which means that you’re both going to do things to rub each other the wrong way. So make sure to look out for people who are fine with communication, and don’t let things sit until it’s too late.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• You did something that upset them and instead of going cold or ghosting for a few weeks, they say “hey, can we talk about something?”
• A misunderstanding happens over text and they give you a call instead of letting it spiral.
• They don’t let little things pile up until they turn inot a big blowup; they address things while they’re still small.
• When you communicate something that legit hurt you, they actually listen instead of immediately getting defensive and making excuses.

6. Good Friends Are Loyal

I feel that this one is a given; a lot of people say it, but it really is important.

Good friends are going to accept, and be there for you, during the good times and the bad. Whether you’ve done something that wasn’t the best idea, or you’re going through a difficult time, they’re there.

They just except you.

Also, if you did make a bad decision, it doesn’t mean that they’re going to be ok with that. But they’re also going to understand that they’ve made mistakes as well, and they’re going to help you get through it.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• You make a really questionable decision and they even don’t lecture you, they just say “I’m here, whatever you need.”
• You go through a job loss, a breakup, or a hard season and they don’t ghost.
• They celebrate your wins just as hard as they show up during your lows.
• You’ve changed a lot over the years and they still show up and love who you are now, not who you used to be.

7. They Have Integrity

If you see someone lying, or doing other small (or big) dishonest things, eventually they’ll end up treating you the same way.

It can be easy to think that you’re different to this person, that they really do care about you. And while that might be true to a certain degree, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t going to be affected by their dishonestly.

When someone has a bad habit, or bad beliefs, nearly everyone around them is going to be affected in some way.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• You notice they’re gently honest with other people and you realize they’d give you the same energy.
• They just do what they say they’ll do, even in the small things like following up on something they promised.
• When they make a mistake, they actually own it. They don’t make excuses or try to deflect.
• They treat people (like waitstaff, strangers, or mutual friends) the same way they treat you.

8. A Good Friend is Dependable

Having a dependable friend is essential.

They’re someone who doesn’t flake, but are there when they say they will be. You trust them with your private thoughts, and rawest emotions. Also, it doesn’t matter if you’re you’re doing well or struggling, they’re just there.

A dependable friend isn’t just about words; it’s about their consistent actions that show they’re in it for the long haul. And while that doesn’t mean they’re going to be perfect at this, you know they’re going to do their best.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• They said they’d be at your thing and they actually show up. There is no last minute cancellations unless it’s a real emergency.
• You’re going through something hard and they check in the very next day without you having to prompt them.
• You trust them with something very personal and it never comes up again unless you bring it up.
• When you need help, they don’t ever make you feel like a burden for asking.

9. They Have Empathy and Understanding

You want to look for someone who has real empathy. Someone who chooses to understand what you’re going through, and what you’re feeling.

They’re not making it about themselves; instead they’re focusing just on you, and what you’re going through.

Also, they’re the kind of friend who doesn’t just hear you out; they actively try to understand what’s going on in your head.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• You’re venting about a conflict and instead of immediately taking sides, they ask questions so they can actually understand what happened.
• You’re anxious and stressed about something and they validate how you’re feeling instead of jumping to “just don’t worry about it.”
• They remember the details about something you’re going through and follow up: “Hey, how did that appointment go?”
• When you’re in a pretty bad mood and not totally explaining yourself well, they give you some grace instead of snapping at you.

10. Good Friends Are Great Listeners

Finding a friend who is a good listener is incredibly important.

If you’re looking for a good friend, then you want to find someone who gives you the space to finish your thoughts, ask questions, and express how you’re feeling.

They’re not trying to interrupt, and get their thoughts and ideas in all the time. They’re just actively listening, and making you feel important.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• You’re telling a cool story and they’re actually looking at you, nodding, asking follow-up questions, and not on their phone.
• They bring up something you told them two months ago, which shows they were actually paying attention to what you were saying.
• When you’re obviously upset, they let you finish talking before they say anything.
• You actually feel like the most important person in the room when you’re talking to them.

11. They’re Confident

I honestly don’t think this is a quality of a friend many people think about, but I do believe it’s important.

And I’m not saying all of your friends have to be outgoing and confident, but this is something to look out for.

Having a friend who is comfortable in their own skin, and around you, helps you to feel confident as well. Because when you see their confidence, and they’re encouraging you to put yourself out there more, then you’re going to feel a whole lot better taking on different things in life.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• You’re pretty nervous about doing something new and they say “Don’t worry, you’ve got this, and I’ll be proud of you either way.”
• They don’t tease you in ways that make you want to hide, even jokingly.
• When you’re around them, you just naturally feel a little more confident about putting yourself out there.
• Their own confidence is quiet and steady, not over the top and competitive, and it just makes you feel a lot more at ease.

12. They Can Make You Laugh

Again, I’m not saying that this one is necessary, but I do believe it’s good. 👍

If you guys share a similar sense of humor, then this can be a great way to connect. But it’s also a good way to help you both get through the harder times. When you have a friend who helps you not take things more seriously than they need to be, suddenly life doesn’t feel as hard.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• You’re both stressed out about something and one perfectly timed pun completely breaks the tension in the room.
• They send you a meme that’s so specific to your kind of humor that you actually laugh out loud alone in your room.
• You find yourself genuinely looking forward to seeing them, and a part of it is because you know you’ll laugh.

13. Good Friends Aren’t Judgmental

You probably know those people who make you feel incredibly uncomfortable, and bad about yourself.

And if you’re looking into the qualities of a good friend, then having someone in your corner who’s not judgmental, is very important.

You’re going to like being around them, and not feel a sense of dread or discomfort whenever you hang out.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• You confess that you’re struggling with something pretty embarrassing and their expression stays completely neutral and kind.
• They don’t give unsolicited opinions about your life choices like your relationship, your career, or your lifestyle (unless it’s legitimately necessary).
• You can show up as yourself (messy, confused, unpolished, etc.) and always feel completely accepted.
• You’ve shared something you’ve never told anyone else before and they didn’t make it weird or make you regret telling them.

14. They’re Checking Up On You

I recently had a friend thank me for asking them how they were doing, every time we talked. They appreciate the fact that I was taking an interest in their life.

Now this is NOT to brag in any way, but it really stood out to me.

If you’re someone who doesn’t have people in your life who care about how you’re doing, then it’s time to filter those friends in.

Find people who actually care about you, and want to know how the different parts of your life are going. Find friends who care about you, and want to check up on you. It really does matter.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• You haven’t talked in two weeks or so and they text: “Hey, I was just thinking of you. How are things going?”
• They ask about the specific thing you brought up last time, showing they actually remembered and really cared.
• When something big happens in your life (good or bad) they’re one of the first people who reaches out and either helps or celebrates with you.
• They don’t make you be the one who always initiates. They check in just because they want to.

15. A Good Friend is Low-Maintenance

Having someone who just wants to connect, and not hold grudges, is a great friend quality.

They’re not constantly looking for ways that you’re falling short, imagining what your true intentions are, or constantly bringing up drama about other people. All of that sounds so stressful.

They’re just there to be your friend, and make your life a whole lot more positive.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• You’ve been super focused with a big project for a month and they don’t guilt-trip you when you finally resurface.
• When you finally do reconnect, it feels completely natural; kind of like no time has passed at all.
• They don’t keep score on who was the last one to text or who initiated the last hangout session.
• They understand that you have other priorities and your own life, and they don’t ever take it personally.

16. They’re Kind and Respectful

They’re not looking for ways to downplay your experiences, they’re just kind and want to respect your thoughts and feelings.

They see you as an actual person, a human being, someone who is worthy of being heard. Not someone they have to control in some way.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• You ask for a bit of space while you process something and they respect it without trying to make you explain yourself.
• You’ve let them know that you don’t like surprise visits and they always text first (every single time).
• They don’t ever push you to talk about something before you’re really ready.
• When you say “Hey, I can’t do that,” they say “That’s totally fine!” and they mean it.

17. Good Quality Friends Are Real With You

Friends that tell you whatever you want to hear, aren’t good friends.

When someone’s not telling you the truth (in a healthy way), it’s never going to help you. A good friend tells you the truth because they WANT you to succeed in every part of life. Not just make you feel good in the moment.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• You’re about to make a decision they can see is going to hurt you, and they say something in an honest but kind way.
• You ask them, “does this look good?” and instead of just giving an automatic yes, they give you a real, caring answer.
• They let you when you’re in the wrong during a conflict, even if it’s not what you actually wanna hear.
• You’re venting about someone or something and they gently point out the part you played because they want to see you grow.

18. They Want You to Have Other Friends

If you want to know more about good friend qualities, then this is a great one to think about.

There are going to be people who won’t want you to have other friends. They have their own fears and insecurities, and they’re going to hold you back from having a true community.

So if you’re finding someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries when it comes to who you hang out with, stay far away from them. They’re not worth the emotional drain.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• You mention a new friend you’ve been hanging out with lately and they’re actually happy for you (not threatened).
• They encourage you to go to that event or trip even if it means less time spent with them.
• They never make you feel bad about having a full, real life outside of your friendship with them.
• When you talk about other friendships, they’re curious and cool about it, not cold or weird.

19. Good Friends Handle Conflict in a Healthy Way

Having a friend who can handle conflict in a healthy way, is a great quality.

If there’s conflict, they don’t make you feel like trash. Yes they might feel hurt, but they want to work things out. Also, if you have boundaries, they’re going to respect them, not try to constantly test them.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• You both disagree and they let you know how they feel without making you feel like a villain.
• They come to you directly when something’s wrong instead of going quiet or bringing in another person.
• After a conflict, they’re just focused on resolving it, not on winning or being right.
• You set a healthy boundary during an argument and they actually respect it instead of pushing even harder.

20. They Support You Even When You Both Have Different Interests

It doesn’t matter if you both have the same hobbies or not, they just support you.

Also, they’re happy and willing to take part in your hobbies and interest as well!

Essentially, a supportive friend makes what’s important to you important to them because they genuinely care for you.

It’s not just about them, and what they want to do.

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• You’re really obsessed with something they literally know nothing about and they ask genuine questions about it anyway.
• They show up to your thing (your art show, your game, your event, etc.) even if it’s not their thing.
• They never make you feel like your interests or passions are weird or less important than theirs.
• What matters to you ends up mattering to them just because you matter to them.

21. You Feel Good After Spending Time With Them

Now this is one of the most important friend attributes when you’re really looking for a genuine friend.

Another great way to know if someone is a good friend, is to notice how you feel after spending time with them.

Do you feel drained, stressed, frustrated, irritated, and/or hurt? Or do you feel relaxed and comfortable? Do you look forward to seeing them again in the very near future? Be mindful of your feelings, they’re going to tell you a lot!

Real Life Good Friend Qualities Examples:

• You drive home after seeing them and suddenly realize you’re in a genuinely better mood than when you first arrived to hang out with them.
• You never feel the need to vent or decompress after spending time with them; you just feel good.
• When they ask to hang out, your gut reaction is excitement and to say yes, not stress + obligation.
• Days after seeing them, you’re still smiling about something funny, cool, or meaningful that came up.

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Characteristics of an Unhealthy Friendship

Bad friends are the kind of people who don’t care about your well-being and they can be emotionally exhausting.

And study showed that people who had good positive social experiences had a much better ability to cope with stress.

1. They Find Ways to Tear You Down: Tearing you down is a big indicator that they are not your pal. And many times it’s going to be tiny little jabs here and there. But if you call them out, they’ll say you’re just being “dramatic.” So don’t make excuses for them. If they don’t want to accept boundaries, it’s time to cut the ties. ✂️
2. They’re Not Dependable: Maybe they’ll be there for you when it’s convenient for them. But as soon as it’s not, suddenly they’re busy and just can’t find the time. Or, when you need them to back you up, they’re taking another person’s side.
3. You Find Them Talking About You: Someone who talks behind your back is not a partner-in-crime, they’re just a criminal. And if you see someone constantly talking about other people behind their backs, then stay far away. 99.9% of the time, they’re doing the same to you.
4. They’re Take and Don’t Reciprocate: It doesn’t matter if it’s your money, time, or even your emotions, they’re gonna take from you. So look out for people who say they’re your friend, but don’t reciprocate. They’re not worth your time.
5. They Don’t Communicate & Hold Grudges: These kind of friends will great one moment, and then they remember something you did in the past. Or they don’t communicate about something you did that hurt them, and then suddenly there’s drama.
6. They’re Always Trying to One-Up You: It doesn’t matter whether you’ve had a big or small success, they’re finding any moment they can to make themselves look better than you. The attention always has to go back to them, so don’t waste your time on someone who isn’t willing to share in your celebrations.
7. It’s About Them When You Open Up: If you ever notice someone always making things about them and their emotions when you open up about your problems, it’s time to make distance. Example: You open up about some childhood trauma, and suddenly they’re getting enwrapped in their own feelings and experiences they had when they were a kid.

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How to Be a Good Friend Yourself

It’s so easy to read a list of good friend qualities and only think about other people. But healthy friendships are built when both people show up in the same healthy way. So if you want better friends in your life, you need to start by becoming one. Here are a few things you can start doing to become a good friend too:

• Respect other people’s time and don’t keep them waiting
• Check in on your friends without needing any reason at all
• Always keep what they share with you private (no matter what)
• Always speak positively about them when they’re not around
• Communicate when something’s bothering you instead of just holding it in
• Be reliable and show up when you say you’ll show up
• Celebrate their big + small wins without comparing them to any of your own
• Apologize when you’re in the wrong (without getting defensive)
• Let them have other friendships and interests outside of you
• Listen so you can understand, not just so you can respond
• Give them encouragement and not subtle criticism
• Make sure you’re paying attention to how they’re feeling after spending time with you

If you can really say you’re doing most of these things, then you’re already the kind of friend people can feel safe around. And those are the friendships that last.

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How to Find High Quality Friends

Now that you know about the attributes of a friend, the bad ones to look out for, and how to be a good friend yourself, it’s time to figure out how to find them! And while making new friends as an adult isn’t always the easiest, the healthy and supportive connections you make will always be meaningful.

There are so many ways to meet new people in your community. Here are a few ideas:

• Look Up Local Events: Whether it’s a concert, block party, or poetry night at a coffee house, there are going to be some good ways to meet new people.
• Sign Up for Meetup & Other Friend Making Apps: There are a lot of apps that are made for just meeting new people. So find a group that’s meeting up for an activity, or use them to hang out with someone one-on-one.
• Join a Club: There are plenty of clubs you could potentially join. So think book clubs, running clubs, and language learning clubs.
• Sign Up for Classes: Make a list of all the classes in your area that you’d be interested in like dance class or an art and poetry class.
• Ask a Friend to Introduce You to Their Network: If you have a friend who really cares about you, then they’re probably gonna be friends with others who are very similar. So ask them to introduce you to other people who could be your friend as well. Tell them that you want to expand your friend network, they’ll understand.

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Now after reading all of these characteristic of a good friend, and understanding what to look for, I want you to remember that you do deserve good people in your life.

I promise that this isn’t just a nice affirmation to say. It’s the truth.

So stop wasting your time on people who don’t give you the time.

You’re important, and you deserve to have better relationships and have friends who are going to bring you life. Not tear you down. ♥️

PS – What other good friend qualities do you personally think are important? I’d love to hear about them!