Two Thoughts on Connection in a Relationship & How to Deepen the Bond

I’ve been married to my husband for seven years now and that doesn’t feel real. For me, that was something normal for other married couples, but each year led to another and suddenly, I was there myself.

And it really didn’t feel like it had been that long.

But in those seven years, I’ve realized two things from my affectionate and thoughtful husband when it comes to connection in a relationship.

These aren’t the only two things, but they are big, and they’re definitely important when it comes to emotional intimacy and learning how to connect with your partner.

The first is listening so that you can romance. For years now, my husband will listen to me and from there he can act.

It’s not my habit to hint at things I want or would like or need through conversation. If I’m bringing up a desire or something I think is cool, it’s to share and discuss. And over the years, because he’s listened to me, he knows me well and knows what will touch my heart, even if it’s small and simple.

I really do love this about him, and it’s made our emotional connection so much deeper.

The first time this really happened was when I was 19. I joked on Facebook (months before my birthday) that I would love it if someone made me an Iron Man birthday cake. I really liked The Avengers at the time (still do).

Then, on my birthday, there it was, an Iron Man cake. I never asked, and I never told him directly, it was a throw-away Facebook post. But he saw and he didn’t forget.

Or earlier this year while living in Portugal for a few months, he took me on a surprise date to a nice coffee house for breakfast. He knows that I love simple things like this.

Of course, he’s done big gestures of love, but I can’t help but appreciate the small things that feel so thoughtful.

And in the end, he’s taught me that I can do this too.

So whether your husband talks about how he loves romantic poetry or there’s a music artist that he really appreciates, then you’re gonna know which direction to go in. So you might make your own card that has sweet love messages and love poems for him inside, or you’re going to surprise him with tickets to see that artist.

It’s honestly so simple, but it makes such a big statement.

So if you what to close any emotional distance and find ways to connect to your partner, then this is an important one! It’s all about being intentional and just wanting the other person to feel heard and special.

Second, acceptance and love during unforgivable moments. There are times when I just don’t feel forgivable. I say something mean during a fight or push him away because I’m dealing with rejection issues. But then he’s still there, he still chooses to love me, and he still chooses to forgive.

Even when I have so much shame and judgment for myself, he’s there to accept me.

I know we think of romance as a date night or a bouquet of flowers, but sometimes it’s in the gentle words of acceptance when we’re at our worst. I never knew love on a level like this before him.

And that’s what we need in a relationship. We need to lend out a hand that shows we’re still here, we’re still in love, and from there, romance can grow.

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The emotional connection in a relationship is something you grow over time. It’s not always a quick fix, but it is so worth it. So give these ideas some thought and see how you can apply them in your own relationship.

Also, what has romance looked like to you in your relationship? How have your thoughts on connection in a relationship changed over the years?

PS – Oh, and here’s that Iron Man birthday cake my husband got me back in 2014.