How to Turn a Good Friend Into Your Best Friend

It can feel so good to start meeting up with someone on the regular, having great conversations, and building a real connection. And especially when you haven’t had a meaningful relationship in awhile.

But creating a close friend isn’t always the easiest. You have to be at the right place at the right time, certain values need to line up, and the effort needs to be put in. But that shouldn’t intimidate you from cultivating a deeper friendship with someone. And if there is someone you’ve been hanging out with and you’d like to get closer to, then it’s so worth it to invest in the relationship.

If you’re trying to better understand how to make a best friend, then there are steps you can take to potentially have it lead that direction.

At the same time, it’s perfectly fine to take a step back if you realize this person might not be someone you can call a best friend. There are a lot of ways to tell if someone can be a true friend to you, and you also have to do the same for them.

So if you’re ready to better understand how to have a best friend, then these tips should help you when it comes to investing in the right person.

1. Be the Kind of Best Friend You Want to Have

Whether you’re talking to someone right now, or you haven’t met that potential BFF, it’s good to start preparing now.

And that means looking at the kind of best friend you’d want to have, and then seeing if you meet those expectations as well.

So are you a good listener, do you take a genuine interest in other people’s passions, are you supportive, or do you stay away from talking about others behind their back?

You’re not a bad person if you haven’t taken some time to think through these different values and attributes. But it’s just a reminder that if you do want to get closer to someone and build a deeper bond, you also need to be worthy of that connection.

You want to be someone who can value their friendship and be best friend material themselves. It takes mutual effort, but it is so worth it.

2. Get Clear on the Kind of Best Friend You Want

Once you’ve taken some time to look at yourself and who you want to be to this future best friend, it’s good to take some time to understand what you’d like to see in this person.

So what do you value most?

Do you value people who respect your time and don’t show up a few hours late? What about someone who can predictably be there for you and you know they’ll have your back? Or a friend who can have a two way conversation and they actually care about what you have to say? They’re not just waiting for you to be done talking so they can take their turn to yap.

Before you start to deepen a relationship with anyone, it’s so important that you take the time to really look at what you want and need. You don’t want to have your life tied up closely to someone you thought was going to be best friend material, but now they just drag you down.

3. Don’t Rush the Process (Let the Friendship Grow Naturally)

I used to be someone who would get really good vibes from someone and then wanna rush the best friend making process. I didn’t really get to know them or what kind of friend they’d be to me.

But if you wanna get a BFF and do it the right way, then it’s so important to take it slow.

And to do that, you need to go into any potential friendship with the understanding that it’s ok if it doesn’t work out. It doesn’t need to.

You’re worth more than to have a connection to someone who doesn’t really care about you.

But beyond making sure they’re the right fit, you also just want to make sure things develop organically. Nothing needs to be forced or rushed, it’s ok to take your time and get to know this person. And then you can forge a much deeper bond over shared experiences and support.

4. Make Them Feel Seen and Valued

If someone is showing a lot of interest in you and what you have to say, then it can sometimes be easy to lean into that. But you need to make sure it’s mutual.

Practice gratitude for the kindness they’re showing you, and then turn that into action. So for example, if they’re talking about something they’re really passionate about, don’t just listen. Really engage and ask questions. Learn about their interests and make sure they know you care.

It’s a wonderful way to build a friendship and connect on a much deeper emotional level.

And on top of that, make sure you’re letting them know what you appreciate about them. It’s so important to communicate what’s meaningful to you and to show that you see them. That what they’re doing isn’t going unnoticed in your friendship.

5. Learn Their Love Language (and Speak It Often)

Love languages have generally been used in a romantic context, but they can definitely be used in a friendship.

So is your potential bestie a gift giver? Maybe surprise them with a coffee at their workplace. Do they appreciate acts of kindness? Help them in redecorating their room! Or do they really feel touched with words of affirmation? Send them a text and thank them for something you really appreciate about them.

Knowing this is such a great way to become better friends and create a special bond.

6. Celebrate Their Wins

If your friend is working towards a goal, then celebrate their milestones big and small.

So for instance, are they working towards a certain career and they just got asked back to a second interview? Celebrate! Let them know how proud you are of them and make them a special dinner. Did they just sell their first art piece? Buy them coffee and talk to them about how that makes them feel.

Make these wins in their life a great place to bond and make them feel special.

7. Practice Micro-Kindnesses

A close friendship is built on so many small moments of connection and acts of kindness.

Yes, the bigger gestures are very important, but it’s the things you’re doing in the mundane that draw you closer.

Here are some ideas for micro-kindnesses if you want to maintain a strong friendship and put more effort into the relationship:

• Just send a simple, quick “thinking of you” text just because.
• Remember and bring up something they said in passing days or weeks before.
• Give them a compliment for something they wouldn’t even expect (like how they carry themselves, emotional strength, or taste in music).
• The next time you hang out, bring their favorite drink or snack.
• Try sending a voice note instead of a text (feels more personal).
• If their hands are full, help them carry something or hold the door open for them.
• Offer to help and take something off their plate like researching a topic or sending them a reminder.
• Be mindful and ask them about something that really matter to them (a family member, their pet, a project, etc.).
• Tuck a short note or letter into their bag or just leave it on their desk.
• If they’re stressed, offer to walk with them and just listen.
• Save the date and follow up on something that’s important to them.

8. Show Up When It Matters Most

It won’t matter how many times you’ve had a good conversation over coffee or that you threw a special birthday party for them. If they’re going through something and you drop the ball, it’s going to damage the friendship.

So show up. If they just lost someone, they’re going through a career setback, just broke up with their partner, or they got some very discouraging news, you need to be there for them.

Listen to them, take time to be with them, and be intentional in what you say. Not everyone is going to want advice. Sometimes your friend will just want you to be there with them and be the calming support they need in that moment.

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9. Make What’s Important to Them, Important to You

If you really do want a connection to turn into a deep friendship, then this shouldn’t be skipped.

Look at what’s really important to them. Do they like helping the poor? Are they working on their own small business? Are they passionate about learning and reading up on a certain topic?

Then find ways to make what’s important to them, important to you. Use it as a way to connect deeper.

So for instance, you could dedicate some time in your month to joining them on a community project, do some research for their small business, or read up on the topics they care about and discuss it with them.

There are so many ways you can put in the effort and show that you truly care about them and their life.

10. Creating Meaningful Memories Together

Start getting intentional with setting up times to hang out together. And get creative with it! Coffee dates are fun, but shared experiences that feel like an adventure are so much better.

Have a fun weekend getaway, go to a concert together, do a sleepover, hike up to a scenic outlook and have a picnic, or even make dinner together and talk late into the night.

There are so many ways to build up beautiful, meaningful memories together.

11. Stick to Your Word (Trust is Built in the Small Things)

It doesn’t matter if you’re finding it inconvenient, it’s so important to stick to your word no matter what.

Of course there are going to be emergencies, but your friend should be able to trust that you’re not going to drop the ball and flake out on them.

So if you say you’ll show up for their event, go apartment hunting, or send them a reminder on a specific day, then do whatever you can to make sure it happens.

It’s a great way to build trust and closeness.