This week’s been very interesting when it comes to choosing to fight my battle.
Before it would be a constant battle in my head to choose to have hope for myself or choose joy in the work I was doing that would change me.
And there would be weeks where I’d get comfortable in the amount of change I had and not make any more progress (this is something that’s been a huge struggle for me for years).
But then something shifted as a memory was brought back into my head one night.
I was 18 and had my first anxiety attack; one that sent me to the hospital.
I was there for hours and it made me feel weak for weeks to come.
But one of the scariest things about this was the idea of it happening again.
And so I fought it.
I mean it didn’t help when I talked to one of my teachers about it who had a daughter who struggled with it as well. Here’s a quick exchange within the conversation:
Me: “Yeah, but that’ll probably be the last one.”
Teacher: “Yeah… hopefully.”
I understood that she wasn’t trying to be mean, but she wasn’t helping either.
And the idea of not having any hope for myself was frightening. I didn’t want to have to deal with this for the rest of my life.
So for the next few weeks, I battled it and actually won.
Whenever I would start to feel the random panic come out of no where and my heart racing, I refused to let it take over, told it to go away and prayed.
Soon, they disappeared all together.
And as this memory was sparked in my head (pretty sure it was God 😉 ), I suddenly felt a need to fight what I was going through again.
I had dealt with mental battles before, understood how to fight them, and was able to win.
Suddenly I had this crazy sense of empowerment. I had gone through this before. I had fought back for what was mine.
Because when it comes to fear, lack of confidence, self hate, or any other struggle you might be dealing with, is that… it’s a battle for your mind.
We’re the ones believing whether we’re good enough or not, we’re the ones allowing fear to influence our actions, and our minds are the ones that make us feel powerless with our problems.
And when we can fight with all our might to push back and say, “No, this my life, I’m not going to buy into any lies that tell me I will never make it, I’ll always be a failure, or that there’s not hope for me.
But I also believe that God needs to be apart of the process because I couldn’t do this alone.
When you can go to Him and His word (the Bible), and see what truths are written for you that you can speak over your life, then that’s the other part of empowering yourself.
You’re emptying yourself of the lies, and choosing to fill it back up with something healthy and right: the truth.
And if you don’t believe in God, then I would suggest writing down the things others have spoken over you or that you know to be truth.
Because the honest truth is…
You are intelligent.
You do have what it takes to get to your goals.
You do have what it takes to plan out your goals so you can get there.
You are loved and lovable.
You aren’t a lost cause. There is always hope for you.
And when you start to believe these things yourself (which is a process as well), then your thoughts dictate your reality.
Something that started me on the path of believing that my thoughts dictated my reality was this video by a Youtuber (if you want to hear the part that spoke to me, you can start it at 5:16 or read down below).
His story was extremely inspiring and how he was able to live out his dreams in around 2 years (??!!).
And for those who don’t want to watch the video just now, I’ll lay it out for you:
He’s an extremely gifted carpenter that 2 years ago, was renting, broke, addicted to porn, and had a very broken marriage. And within that time, was able to own his own home, start living out his dreams full-time (by starting his own Youtube channel showing his projects), create a beautiful marriage, and is no longer addicted to porn.
The words and story he started to share at the 5:16 point in the video impacted me in a huge way.
He saw the broken place he was in, but didn’t let that stop him from changing his mindset and then changing his entire life.
Fighting for your mind and the thoughts that enter it is a big challenge for so many of us. Especially for those who have had other people or ourselves pouring lies into them.
But I truly believe that when you don’t let your reality dictate your thoughts, and you start to believe the truth (whether gradually or quickly), then you have won your mind.
And when you win your mind, that’s when your thoughts dictate your reality.
So for instance, if you change your mindset from, “Well I’m never going to be able to work from home, this is just not something I can do,” to “I need to do a lot of research, but I know I’m capable of finding a way to make money from home,” then your belief in yourself will determine your actions. You’ll put the effort in because you believe in yourself and soon, you’ll start to see the fruits of your beliefs.
Because if you believe that you can’t do it, then you won’t go after it, and it’ll be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The gif above is from a very short video I found in 2013. I laughed so hard at it then (and still do), but I had NO IDEA this video would speak to me so much 5 years later.
It’s basically a clam harvester in Japan telling me that I can make it, I have what it takes, and if I go just a little bit longer, I’ll make it.
And it’s true! When you don’t give up, and you do continue on in your growth and fighting for your mindset, you will make it.
I didn’t believe in myself to even start a blog and make money from it, but now over 2 years later after taking the chance, and my life is completely changed.
I Also Found it Got Harder for Me
To be honest, when I had this breakthrough after remembering the last time I had fought something off, I thought things were going to get easier everyday. And it turns out that there are going to be days that are harder than others.
Yesterday I got frustrated with myself because I felt like it was a “horrible day and I did so much to mess up.”
I ended up telling this to Silas and he was bewildered. He thought I had done great and challenged me to look back at it and see what I had done wrong.
Yes, there were places I had messed up, but the day was actually great! And I felt like this was a big lesson for me.
Whenever I convince myself that a day (or days) were a lost cause, I start to feel hopeless about myself, and this helps me backtrack on my progress. When I start to lose hope, that’s when I lose ground.
And I feel like it’s super important to make sure that even when you do have days that aren’t the best, that you know that you are going to get it right and you are going to see breakthrough in your progress.
It’s a great idea to also have someone on the outside (someone not inside your head) to give you feedback in how you did. They can give you their thoughts and give you a perspective you never thought of (Silas does this for me).
It really isn’t easy at first, I get it. I’m there right now, and I’m learning to fight my battle hard like how I did when I was 18, but I know that soon, those hard days are going to get a lot easier as I don’t give up ground in my growth.
And in Fighting Your Battle Part III, I’m going to go into how to line out what you want to fight for and actually go after it (while sharing my own!).
This three part series has been interesting to write and process with you, but it’s been crazy the way I started to see things shift in my mindset. And I’m honestly excited to be sharing these thoughts and ideas with you.
So what battles in your mindset have you been dealing with?